I’ve just listened to the first CD in David Whyte’s (poet) two part series…”Five Forms of Female Courage”. Here I paraphrase some of his words:
“NO sincere life can be lived without having your heart broken. You can’t be a good parent without having your heart broken…in fact, our children are sent with special instructions on how to do it! But, it is astonishing the amount of energy we will put into finding a path that holds us immune to the loses and difficulties that human beings have been going through since the beginning of time”.
Being honest and authentic about how we feel doesn’t seem to come that easy. I’ve realised that often I will feel something that I don’t want to feel..I don’t like it, it might be yucky…anger, jealously, hatred or even feeling vulnerable, frightened and weak. I will try to “change” the uncomfortable feeling by attempting to analyse or understand it but actually this is just another way of not staying with myself and trying to avoid the yucky bits of being human, I abandon myself (or at least parts of myself), I try to “Fix it”. I also put myself under a great amount of pressure to find the reason WHY or to change my perception into a more enlightened one. This just serves to block any helpful communication between myself and my body or my “dreambody”. Just like in the outer world, if someone pushes me to do something or tells me the way I do things is wrong, I’ll dig my heels in and tell them to get lost!
As my dear friend Bruce Scott says:
“I DO NOT need to know why of anything. Why will keep me busy for decades. Sometimes,
we are like a river flowing with pain, joy, wonder, unknown-ness, and answers come when I am
not pressuring. If I feel pressured to know, to have an answer for someone, I go blank, and that
is the right thing” (Gosh, if you haven’t already brought a copy of his book (s), you might want too!)
Today, as I said goodbye to my two children for a couple of days I said…”Now, be good for Dad, don’t argue with each other”. As I watched them drive away, I thought “Oh Yuck, what did I just say!!!” Next time I will say “Remember, just be yourselves and feel what you feel!” My children will be themselves whatever I say, I can make sure they don’t grow up feeling what they feel is wrong and needs to be changed, but just held in loving awareness and wonderment.