I wonder what the world would be like if we all stopped intruding into other people’s lives and saw clearly, what actually is our business and what is someone else’s business.
Imagine, if we stopped trying to control others, stopped trying to make others change, stopped trying to get others to “see” us or “understand” us, stopped trying to get others to behave the way we want them to behave and stopped trying to “FIX” people. Just STOPPED! Wow, I can feel my shoulders relaxing at the very thought….no more “trying”, just “being”.
My eight year old son does not care what anyone else thinks of him. He does not wake up and start worrying if other people approve of him or even like him, he just lives his life. BUT, what if people around us do not stop being in our business even when we stop being in theirs? Well, again, my son just stops being with that person. He does not feel guilty about it. He does not agonise for weeks wondering if there is something wrong with him or feel he must stay in a relationship out of a sense of duty. He just says, “Mum, I don’t want to be with that person anymore”.
I would never make my children spend time with someone they did not feel comfortable with, no matter who they happened to be. So,why do we do it to ourselves?
Many of us have been brought up to believe that we are responsible for making other people feel okay. That we are supposed to take care of other people and if being who we are makes them feel uncomfortable, we may try to hide parts of ourselves. A few years ago I told a therapist I was seeing, that I believed I was too sensitive, because that was what I had been told all my life…”Then you need to be MORE sensitive” she replied “The world needs sensitive people urgently”. Now, if someone accuses me of being too sensitive I say in an upbeat tone “Yes, your right, I am, thank you”.
Over the last few years I have practised not giving my opinion unless asked. If a friend, my hubby or one of my children has a problem, I try not to go into “FIX IT” mode, instead just allowing the person the space to work through their feelings themselves. I still sometimes drive my children crazy with my fussing over their lives….but it is okay because they tell me…”MUM! stop interfering, it’s really annoying!”. I am really trying to Mind my own Business.