I’m learning something about Awareness. I’m learning that sometimes you only need to hold awareness around something and that’s enough. You don’t need to beat yourself up because you can’t change the thing you have awareness over. Awareness, can just be used to break ridged ideas we might be holding around an issue. Also, it seems, sometimes we need to hold the awareness around an issue for a while before it transforms….if you try to “force” a change before it’s ready it just leads to frustration and suffering. BUT, awareness needs one more thing, a very important partner…..self compassion. If we have self compassion we may find things about ourselves we thought were “negative” are actually “positive” things in disguise.
For many years, I have been beating myself up for wanting a tidy house. Some people beat themselves up because they don’t tidy up…I beat myself up for being tidy! Oh yes, and I also beat myself up for….beating myself up….great isn’t it! But, something always felt right about being as tidy as I am. After a conversation with a dear friend who lives “across the pond”, I realised that actually, I’m just doing what’s been done for centuries….I’m space clearing. I’ve been space clearing since I was 8 years old. I have a “natural talent” for creating and running ceremonies (so friends tell me) and SO, when I get irritated with my messy house it’s because I am trying to create a sacred space for myself and my family.
Before friends come over, I clear the space. If I can get my hands on some, I put fresh flowers on the table because….I want to create a space that feels welcoming for my guest. I’m not saying that everyone should do this or feel bad that they don’t, because I am me and you are you. It’s just my process, there is something within me that is drawn to clearing and creating spaces. Even my drawers are organised…sorry, I know. And, to be honest we do try to embrace “Creative Mess” in our house. Our children’s rooms are their own business….I just draw a deep breath and smile when I enter them because…I’m not them and they are not me. As long as their stuff doesn’t spill over into my bedroom there is a “live and let live” attitude here.
So now I can “allow” myself to do the housework with this new awareness and feel enlightened at the same time, brilliant!